She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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