so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
