you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
