Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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