I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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