I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
