im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
