Need sex. Gaining weight.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
