I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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