So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
