Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
