just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
