So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
