Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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