I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
