you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
