I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
