im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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