She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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