oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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