Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
