Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
