yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
