Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
