I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
