All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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