Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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