i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
