We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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