last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
