that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
