one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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