Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
