I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
