I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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