i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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