We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
