I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
