I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
