I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
