I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You don't make any sense
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