After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It was confusing and full of hummus
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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