Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
