its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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