Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
