how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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