literally had 100 drinks last night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
