Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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