K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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