last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
