My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
