If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
