And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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