How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
