Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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