Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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