I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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