Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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