i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
