I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize