what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
