I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If that was your dad, he is hot
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
