we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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