listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
