tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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