Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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