Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
