GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Found the puke drawer
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
