Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
