yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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