Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
