I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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