i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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