i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
