whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
