I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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