I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
