Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
